AOL and the first time
THE FIRST TIME




One thing can be said about the *first time* online: it’s not quite as terrifying as a first date, but it’s certainly filled with anxiety.





The first anxiety of course is: is this going to work? I mean, am I really going to be able to have a meaningful discussion with someone all the way across the country in Bangor, Maine? Well after two years, the verdict is in yes its possible to have an intelligent conversation with someone all the way across the country, although I have yet to have an intelligent conversation with any one in Bangor, Maine. I think people who have grown up with computers take them for granted; what a miracle of thought, invention, and ingenuity! (That’s just the packaging….) I remember the first handheld calculator I ever saw; it belong to one of the (successful) agents in the life insurance company I worked for. It was black and very expensive - it came with its own security guard; the agent had mortgaged his house for it, and I think had sold his son in bondage. No big loss; I remembered the son from an office picnic (he was the one with potato salad stuck to his cheek). Little did we realize that calculator was the beachhead of a major technological invasion destined to dent our pocket books, release us from our working bondage (it’s past 2 a.m. here as I write) and give us consumers a new enemy to deal with: the manual writer.

So, there I sat in my darkened cavern of a living space, hearing for the first time the sound of a modem being put through its paces.

Finally, alone in my little cave, I finally have my modem working and have gone through the paperwork necessary to begin AOL. I watch as the screen on the computer changes and whirs and makes lots of interesting noises, and suddenly I am at the AOL welcome screen, and a voice booms out, “You have mail!” This voice, which would soon become my best friend, really startled me. My first thought was “Wow! this works fast! I’m already getting attention.” It was, however, a welcome letter from Steve Case - the owner of the company and soon-to-be new yacht owner all because of me - or so it would appear.

In the early days of AOL, there was a cost attached to AOL - and the cost did add up. If you ever noticed people in the early 1990’s walking along the roads collecting bottles, there was a good chance they were AOL members trying to collect enough money to keep them online. As I understand it, AOL would actually, in some cases, provide you with your very own cart. I still remember what a great deal I got with my first AOL signup: I got 10 free hours. That is a lot like getting a “Free Fishing Trip to Alaska” - free after plane fare, licenses and lodging, but you can fish free.

AOL allows its members the opportunity to create what are called “screen names”. These are most often an extension of the member’s personality, and can range from the basic “Tom Smith” to clever, well-thought-out names like “Mr. Stud”. Hopefully, later I will talk more about the psychology of screen names (a relatively new discipline in the psychology field), but let’s just say here a good screen name can make or break you online.
The problem is, unless you get some advance knowledge about this, you often are forced into coming up with a really stupid name right off the bat. AOL has anticipated this and provides members (members are what AOL calls those people who become addicted to the service) five more screen names. Its a fact that very few members end up using their original name; after they get online they can see what the really clever members are doing and adjust their name accordingly. In my case I went from the banal name of Musiken to HottMD in only thirty minutes , ( thinking fast is not always a good case for thinking right). Fortunately, AOL allows its members to delete a screen name - and I suspect it was God’s plan for me to choose HottMD so that name could no longer be used by any other person. Out of all this insight I created my new screen name which would last me for the next six months. Scott4hugs was born that first night. Why Scott and why Hugs will forever be a mystery to me; my name is Kenn, and I am perhaps the least tactile person in existence; but there it was, my first real screen name and the will to use it.

AOL is HUGE - you can practically find anything you want in the whole world in the area of information: from complicated instructions for building sled dog warming huts, to government documents, and the latest news and weather. I am equally sure there are at least three people using these functions - the rest of us were in the chat rooms.

Chat rooms are electronic rooms where people gather to insult and proposition each other; they can also be used for uplifting conversation and creating friendships, and I suspect there at least three people doing just that also.

I believe at the heart of the success of companies like AOL is the inescapable fact that there is A LOT of lonely people out there. (There being the real world) I know this to be true because I was one of them, and the fervent hope of all these people is to find someone to talk to and encourage them and make them feel wanted.

SO to that end the options are incredible. There are rooms for people to talk about just about any subject you care to think about, from sewing circles to pagan tea houses, from leather interests to Gun and Bun Chats (usually not together). For a new person being online, it’s simply overwhelming. It can also be hard on your ego. I remember feeling very rejected because the “onlinehost” would not talk to me. And in fact it took me several days to find these other rooms. I kept going into what’s called People Connection and ended up in the Lobby. I did not realize this was the door to other rooms; instead I stayed in the Lobby and was battered with rejection as hundreds of other people came into the room and left. In my mind, most likely because they thought I was a wuss. It wasn’t until several nights later I actually figured out how the whole thing worked, and found myself in a room called “Water Sports.”(It was not about surfing, and I felt compelled to leave after getting an education I didn’t suspect I ever needed to know about in the first place.

At last I found a home; the room was called “Thirtysomething,” and it was filled with bright intelligent conversation, with all kinds of people that were of course under thirty and incredibly successful. The first thing I noted was that, based on the profiles of these members, if they were a man they were over six feet tall and very Aryan and very successful (there was once three brain surgeons in the room at the same time), and, if a woman, very successful and blonde and former cheerleaders.

About profiles. Remember that I said a good screen name could make or break you? Well, the same can be said of an onscreen profile. This is a place where you can tell vital information about yourself, (we will look at a few from time to time) in such a manner as to get the attention of the six foot blonde brain surgeon, or the 5’ 8” blonde vogue cover girl.

Frankly, it’s in reading the profiles of members that you begin to see the difference between the sexes, and in the subtlety of the members: men tend to be very direct, kinda like, “I WANT YOU NOW, WOMAN!” whereas the women tend to be more poetic and romantic. Anyway, here are a few screen names culled from the member directory of AOL; what some of these names lose in creativity they gain in just plain silliness or worse.

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Well, here I am looking at this screen whirring by and trying to make sense of all the conversation going on. I tell you, it’s not easy. I am a poor typist; I have to look at my fingers when I type, so when I type I cannot read what is being “said” in the chat room. It gets a little complicated at times, but the very first thing you realize is that it’s complicated for everyone. I plowed right in and said hello. Now, at first this seemed to have very little impact. I began to notice that those who were saying the most outrageous things were the ones getting all the attention. So I started to be outrageous and I fibbed a little. At this point I’m so lonely that if getting someone to like me means taking a few years off my life (and a few pounds), I can be what someone wants me to be - or so I think. It strikes me that if all these lonely people just used life’s little instruction book they wouldn’t be quite so lonely. By that I mean the Bible. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise you I’m not going over the top here; I’m not going to get “ewwey-ewwey” on you. I just think that people could do a whole lot better in the relationship department if they studied their Bibles! (Why do you think they have them in motels?) Let’s face it: as the Stage Manager said in Our Town, people are meant to go through life two by two - and believe it or not the best sex manual I have run across is the Bible. A few disclaimers here: it’s not illustrated, it’s not specific, and it will require your first sexual experience to be with your wife or husband, And for very good reason, But that’s a very small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness. However, we are getting ahead of ourselves here. Before marriage, you have to meet the person of your dreams - and there is no better way to meet people and have them notice you than to live by spiritual principals.