By the Spring of 1995 I was pretty miserable. The separation from Karen and Kaisa ,a steady decline in the business ..loneliness I was worn down . My business crystal ball was not fully functioning and I assumed that eventualy because of my astute business brilliance the store would recover from the change in location.
Oh yes that year I had moved the location that had been so good for us . Partially because of a tenant dispute and also as a money saving idea.
The new location was a stand alone place a former church that had an upstairs loft that I Could maintain as a Living quarters . Still no shower or tub , but I was on shift at a Local Fire Department and had access to showers there.
Anyway some time during the Spring I got the idea to travel ,and travel a lot . Initially the plan was to be on the road for over six months and follow in the footsteps of John Steinbeck , with out the dog , and using a van instead .
I set a date of the day after Labour day as my departure date. During the Summer I Purchased a Chevy Van , removed the back seats , and turned it into a makeshift camper.
I had been spending a lot of time on AOL ...and had made several friends , most of them women and had set up several appointments with them . The deal was in return for Housing I would cook dinner. I had no idea what this really meant to some of the people I would be staying with , but I would learn later in the school of hard knocks .
Usually after a long day of sales and stocking shelves I would pour over the rand McNally Road trip software I had and work out my route . There were some places I Knew I want to visit for sure ...Los Angeles , San Diego , Albuquerque , Chicago , Dallas , Baton rouge , Montgomery Alabama , and Albany Georgia . were all pretty much definite on the list
I had my plans but God had His .
The Summer was no where near my expectations , in fact it was dismal , but I still managed to get a hefty down payment on a new Van ..planning to make up the difference with the Christmas Business and if Necessary the Next Summer. That Summer I had also decided to get a small apartment in a nearby town called Bend Oregon , and for the first time in my life I actually was living in a genuine apartment on my own . I bought new furniture , now art work , new dishes ..everything according to my taste ...it was kinda exciting ..but as time would show me it would have been better to spend all that money on Car Payments.
Anyway ..Summer came and went , I did make one good decision I decided to scale back the length of time I would be gone so I set out in Early September.
I had set up the van with a makeshift bed , I had a cooler , lantern , and a sleeping bag, cook stove , some pots and pans . MY plan was to camp out at night with the exception of the nights that I was given Hospitality ..I would drive till I got sleepy , and then head off again . I had thought I would have time to explore and enjoy the counry as I passed by . But I had not planned on the demons inside of me to so totally dominate my thoughts my sleep ...if I left anxious and excited I returned close to suicide , worn out even more lonely and dissatisfied with my life than I have ever been. The trip that was supposed to be my Journey of a lifetime , became an odyssey of despair and worry.
I had no idea of all this though as I waved goodbye to Sisters on that Tuesday morning and Headed South ...this should have been my first clue ...My original plan was to head East , but inexplicably ..I found my self heading south on 97 ... through the Central Oregon desert , and the burned out hulks of lodge pole pine devastated by disease and fire .
IT had been a bad fire season , the smell of burned forest in the air ...the face of Central Oregon was scarred and changed .... That spring grass would return , new growth and rebirth ....Out of the window I raced South , marking the stting sun in the passenger window .
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